Auchentoshan Classic

Auchentoshan_ClassicRegion: Lowland
Price:  $$
Class:  100% Nautical
Rating: 3 / 5

Best consumed in purgatory, wearing a gray sweatsuit and
headband, listening to background dinner Muzak.

Pros, Cons and Neutralities

: “Please enjoy responsibly”
N: Packaging is thoroughly gray – at least it has a cork
N: Relatively inexpensive for a Lowland offering
N: 80 proof

Culling of the Copy

Sweet aromas of vanillacoconut and the signature smooth and delicate Auchentoshan taste.

A fruity, lowland malt produced in Scotland since 1823 under the watchful eye of the distillery manager.

G.L.O.: This has barely any aroma, and “coconut” is a bald-faced lie.  The distillery manager and his watchful eye are both badasses.

The Word(s) on the Street

adjectives: light and airy, lacking personality, nondescript, soul-less, smooth, slightly watery, oaky middle, slightly sweet, vanilla-y, inauspicious

“Like having a drunken wood nymph dancing in your mouth.”

“Dead center average scotch.”

“It’s good but doesn’t have much to say – kind of like a person you want to get to know but then you hang out and have nothing in common. (Maybe the watchful distillery manager, for example.)”

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